Hopes Dashed

And no this isn't about football.

When we canceled the IVF due to lack of progress in spite of a ton of injections, we converted to an IUI in the hopes that all would not be lost (read that as wasted - I wanted something to show for all that effort).

There was hope.

There were eggs.

I took it easy.

It did not matter.

Fate struck me down again over the weekend.

We are still crying ( okay I am, hubby** is merely holding me whenever I have the latest breakdown and that's good thing - the holding not the breakdowns )

As noted last post, we see our RE again Thursday to see what hope there is left.

I am tired.

** Edited to clarify that hubby wants this to work as much as I do. He wants a baby. He is upset too that it didn't work, but mostly because of how hard the entire process has been and is on me. I love him dearly.

The Promise

of things to come.

How can one little room hold such a heavy load on it's shoulders, so to speak?

This room holds two promises.

1. The promise of pictures from the last post (I keep those promises)
2. The promise of a child that will hopefully enter our lives soon and get to stay for a while and hopefully find some peace, even if only for a little while.

First the pictures:

I consider the main wall in all of our rooms the one wall that is not broken by a door, a window or a closet. This is the wall that is usually the main focus of the room and where I tend to choose to put the predominate color of the schema that is in my head.

I wanted this room to be green. It's a good neutral color and most kids like it. But the green I chose (Behr's Asparagus) is too dark to do the whole room. So I needed something to off set it.

So I found a blue with a pretty name (Behr's Coastal Mist). I painted the other three walls that color and used some of the left over green in the closet.

All the trim in the room is the same green in a semi gloss, and the trim around the window will be that color as well.

We bought new closet doors because the originals were as old at the house and had taken a major beating.

So now I get to have even more fun with the paint on those. This is the first run and that took 4 hours. UGH. It's hard work to get those lines right. I am going to do the other side the opposite way since we aren't sure how it's going to look and this way we can choose to flip them over every now and then if we like.

Then we have the promise of the child. We are still awaiting our first foster placement. No news yet. But we have been reading all the books about trauma and attachment and what some of the kids we might get could have gone through. That means this room needs to be peaceful but cheery enough to help that child work through the events in their life that brought them into our lives, hearts and home.

I want this to be a place where they do not have to be scared or worried or lonely or angry. And while all of those emotions will be a part of them by the nature of their placements, maybe this room can help them forget for a little while and know that they have a place where they are safe and loved and cared for with no strings attached. Then maybe, just maybe, for a little while they might also be happy.

That is a lot of promise for a little room, but perhaps it is a promise that can be kept.