Cutting Ties

As anyone that has read my blog for the past few years knows, life tends to throw us curves that are usually unexpected and equally unwelcome. I know life throws all of us curves. Some good, some bad, some neutral. We learn to live with them and carry on.

I don't talk about my family much outside of Slugbo and the fur babies and things that are going on with Alex (and mention of him is pretty minimal). But sometimes you see random posts here and there.

I had a brother and I have an older sister I grew up with. All of us adopted. We are not close though we've tried. The past couple of years were easier with her, but it still seemed mostly like a one way street. I call to check in or to let her know what is going on with the parents. I try to find out what is going on with her and her kids (sorry Michael - you may be almost 25 but you're still my nephew and therefore a kid ;-) ) and her husband. But it's me making first contact 99% of the time.

She has her own reasons for not talking to the parents anymore. I don't get in the way of that. It's her decision and one she felt she needed to make for herself.

A couple of months ago she basically dropped a bomb on me and flat out refuses to explain further or elaborate on what was discussed. Rather than answer my question she has decided to walk away from this in light of other things that are going on in her life.

Unfortunately the whole situation drove home a point that my sister does not really seem to consider me her sister or rather family. I am family when she needs me to be family. Like there is an off switch.

I've lived in California for 15 years this May. I've been married here twice. She's been invited multiple times and was invited to both weddings.

Not once has she come to visit since I've been here. She's been invited. I've been to her, multiple times. When she moved to NM, I didn't even find out till I tried to call and wish her happy anniversary and found out her old phone number had been disconnected. I had to call my parents to find out where she was. And that was during a time when we seemed closer.

I understand that times are tough. Her life has been a roller coaster for much of the past 15 years but you make time for family.

I understand that she has her immediate family. Her husband and her two boys. They've supported her through some truly horrible experiences. She has at this time decided that they are all the family she needs.

I hope that is the case. I hope they are enough. I hope she knows I'm here when she ready to acknowledge that being adopted doesn't make us less family. She's still my sister.

But at this time I chose for my sanity to cut ties. She has her issues she needs to work out. She doesn't want my help nor my support. And I fully admit that I'm not willing to talk to her until she is ready to either defuse the bomb she dropped on me or follow through with the destruction it will cause. Either way I want more information and she won't provide it.

I'm done playing the game. I don't need a fair weather sister. Neither do I need a sister that only contacts me when she needs me on her side for something. Family is family no matter what is going on. Which just shows again, that from where I'm standing, I'm not her family.

I hope I'm wrong. Time will tell and we shall see. But until she's ready I'm done. I know at least one of her boys might see this and I hope he understands that I'm not trying to slam his mother in any way. I'm just tired of the games. My door is always open to all of them. They just need to get to it on their own, since asking and begging and guilt trips haven't worked yet.

So the next step is hers. I'll let you all know if she takes it. I shan't be holding my breathe.