Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Tired of the Brick Wall

It seems we get one step closer to getting a child in our home only to find out something else is standing in our way.

We got our foster license 5 weeks ago. We've been hoping for a phone call, something anything, saying come meet this child we hope to place with you. I've been patient and not called the social worker every single day since the license came in the mail. I only called once to apologize for missing the picnic when I first got sick.

I caved today and called my social worker (SW) at Family, Youth and Children's Services and politely asked if there was anything we should be doing to get a placement sooner.

The first thing my licensing SW said was well how far along in the adoption process are you? I was thinking what the h* does that have to do with getting a foster child. I said not very far because they will not give me the paperwork because we are still trying to get pregnant with medical intervention. Full disclosure here people.

However I was calling them (my adoption specialist) back this week and saying "Look! See! Still NOT PREGNANT! Send me the frakking paperwork. " But I shall wait until I'm not so pissy about it.

So I nicely told the SW that I was calling the adoption specialist back this week and requesting the paperwork.

She said okay and that our placement would probably come through the adoption people because we are listed as a Fost/Adopt home. Again with the people that won't deal with me yet.

So I asked her if that meant that we would get a placement when we start the process with the Adoption people, or if that meant we had to wait till we got approved by them. She said it wouldn't be until we got approved by them. At least 6 months away. And that is if I'd already submitted the paperwork I cannot have.

I asked the SW why we couldn't have a placement now. We fully understand that it may not be permanent, that the child may go home or to a relative. That is always the hope. We are more than willing to offer a child a safe and loving environment until their situation is worked out, or they move on to their permanent home, if ours does not suit them.

She said that she thought that we were only interested in children with minimal legal risk, meaning a very small likelihood of going home. I think I set her straight on that, politely and calmly.

That we are still open to any age group. When it comes time for permanent placement a younger child MIGHT (big big might there people) be preferred if only in regards to attachment issues. But I flat out said simply that we are ready to have a child in our home, even if that child isn't there to stay.

We are fully prepared to have to let the child go. Why else have I been reading every attachment, adoption, parenting hurt children book I can get my hands on for the past 6 months?

At the end of the conversation (in which I congratulated myself for not screaming my fool head off at the woman - I really really wanted to) she said she would send an email out to her staff within the next few days letting them know we are available and ready.

I hung up, promptly burst into tears, and called Ken and made sure I hadn't told her anything he did not agree with as well.

Yes I'm complaining again. But this shouldn't be this hard. A bunch of dingbat teenagers can get pregnant as part of a pact, but I cannot help some child get through a very traumatic experience and give them a safe loving environment in which to heal, maybe for a little while, maybe forever.

This brick wall hurts and I'm a little tired of banging my head on it.


Kandi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kandi said...

I am sorry this has been so hard for you.


Leslie said...

I'm sorry this has been so difficult, but it will happen, dear heart. Hang in there.

DK said...

I...am so, so sorry. It amazes me that with all the kids that need placement, particularly emergency placement, they're being asshats...no, not even. The SYSTEM is one big asshat about this. So, so sorry, hon. Big hugs!!!!!

(I'll beat 'em up for you! I will!)

Michelle said...

Just keep going. You'll make it! *hugs*!

Alison said...

The world needs far, far more people like you. They should be falling all over themselves with gratitude that you're willing to do what so few would be. I am in awe of your commitment and love to children you haven't even met yet. Go you.

--AlisonH at spindyeknit.com