Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Absolutely Terrified

I love the Yarn Harlot. Okay people not THAT way! She is funny, smart and a super knitter. In short, my new hero. Sorry Stephen Hawking, but knitting something that fits is a MUCH more attainable goal then actually finding my own black hole, I think - have you seen my gauge?

However, she is killing me with those baby sweaters. Not maliciously mind you. She has absolutely no idea she's doing it and it's not her fault, they are absolutely adorable and I want one, but mostly I want something to put it on besides my dog.

Hubby and I have been trying for almost two years. Took a two minute ultrasound at the fertility specialist I finally agreed to see to find what is probably the problem.

A frakking big huge (to me anyway) mass smack in the middle of my uterine cavity right where the munchkin to be would implant if it weren't blocking everything!


I am scared for three reasons:

1. I have access to the internet. This is not good in a situation like this
2. I worry incessantly
3. Everything I found states this should have shown up in the HSG test I had last July and it didn't! Which means it has manifested to it's current size in the past 10 months. That should be enough to scare even the most laid back person.

So tomorrow is the "Hi Doc! Guess what the fertility doctor found? GET RID OF IT!" appointment that will lead (at least it better) to a scheduling of the removal of said scary mass.

The really really scary part will come from waiting for the lab work to tell me if my fears are completely unfounded. I'd say fingers are crossed, but that would mean I could not knit to take my mind off of it.

On the bright side, my hero will be in town in two days and I get to go see her. It will be a welcome diversion.

PS Please let the Harlot switch back to socks.


R2K said...

: )

Cece said...

I don't know about it showing up on the HSG... isn't that more about flow? I know it's scary... but aren't you glad you at least have something to move forward with the fertilty stuff??

I would go ahead and buy yourself the kit if you want... my theory is that back in the 'olden days' everyone knit baby items in advance... in the hope chest. I had already knit many many many(!) thing for my future baby, and wehave been trying for over 2 years. Good luck!