Today was the day hubby and I had been trying to get to for four long years.
Whatever powers that be decide whether or not stuff like this is going to happen decided against us again.
The IVF was not successful.
Hubby got the news first and drove down to tell me in person.
This was our last shot at natural children.
Now the focus shifts to going after a foster placement more aggressively and getting the adoption people to send me the paperwork.
One way or another there will be children in our house some day.
But today is not that day.
Many thanks to everyone for all your kind words and well wishes and prayers and hugs, real and virtual.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Gimme the News!
Day so far.
Wake up (stupid alarm clock).
Shower.
Wake up hubby.
Finished getting ready.
Medicate Smokey Cat (emerge unscathed).
Let the dogs out. Figure out which cat to strangle for peeing in the dog's room.
Put dogs in office with hubby.
Figure out WHERE in the dog room the cat peed.
Start a load of laundry and scrub the Kuranda bed in the front yard. Cuss the cats the entire time.
Kick two of the cats out of the house for the dog.
Fumigate the dog room.
Tell hubby bye and that I will have our doc call me at work so I can conference him in so we can get the news together.
Head to lab for blood draw.
Wait an hour due to backlog.
Head to work.
IMPATIENTLY WAIT FOR 2PM! Which is the earliest we will know anything.
Write this post.
Hope Cliff the Mutt doesn't need surgery this morning.
Wake up (stupid alarm clock).
Shower.
Wake up hubby.
Finished getting ready.
Medicate Smokey Cat (emerge unscathed).
Let the dogs out. Figure out which cat to strangle for peeing in the dog's room.
Put dogs in office with hubby.
Figure out WHERE in the dog room the cat peed.
Start a load of laundry and scrub the Kuranda bed in the front yard. Cuss the cats the entire time.
Kick two of the cats out of the house for the dog.
Fumigate the dog room.
Tell hubby bye and that I will have our doc call me at work so I can conference him in so we can get the news together.
Head to lab for blood draw.
Wait an hour due to backlog.
Head to work.
IMPATIENTLY WAIT FOR 2PM! Which is the earliest we will know anything.
Write this post.
Hope Cliff the Mutt doesn't need surgery this morning.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Belated Birthday Baby Boy
I'm a bad doggy blogger mom.
Scrat the Brat turned 3 on Wednesday.
It is the day we got him. It is his age as best we can tell.
It is been an eventful two years with this little monster.
Look at that face.
How 12 pounds of compact energy can get into so MUCH trouble is a mystery to me?
He likes to:
He redeems himself by:
Love, 'Mom'
Scrat the Brat turned 3 on Wednesday.It is the day we got him. It is his age as best we can tell.
It is been an eventful two years with this little monster.
Look at that face.
How 12 pounds of compact energy can get into so MUCH trouble is a mystery to me?
He likes to:
- eat rocks
- turn left down the hall instead of right to his room when he is told BED
- eat rocks
- chase the cats - though he has stopped trapping them under furniture
- eat rocks
- not give up the tennis ball from the last throw without making the neighbors think we are skinning him alive
- eat rocks - see a pattern here? There is a reason he got a birthday card from the pet insurance company
He redeems himself by:- loving to curl up behind me in my office chair
- making hubby smile many times a day
- giving his all to whatever you have planned that day whether its sleeping, chasing a ball, hanging out in the office or just wandering around the yard
- learning that playing with teeth (i.e. him biting without thinking) is not acceptable
- no longer attempting to take a chunk out of my girlfriends ankles when they come over
- making certain that every possible IOTA of food is gone from all the dog bowls before he is 'done' with his dinner
- by thinking that a new lap is the perfect place to curl up - you sit down, you get a dog in your lap
- by showing our friends how much for the better he has changed in the past year from the snarling territorial little monster he truly was into a snuggle bug
never giving up. He KNOWS That ball is out there somewhere okay maybe UP there and has simply not fallen yet. If he could climb that tree he would.- loving my husband completely
Love, 'Mom'
Friday, March 13, 2009
For at Least Two Weeks...
we can consider ourselves pregnant with fraternal twins.
Two 4 celled embryos, one grade 2 and one grade 3 were transferred without issue today. I LOVE that my RE managed to get down to the city between his other appointments to do it for us.
The two week wait begins.
Slugbo is trying to lock me up for that time, but thankfully I have a paper from the doctor that says bed rest for the whole two weeks will be way worse stress-wise than going about your normal day.
That said I am home for the next 5 days.
Light activity - ha Slugbo rolled me into the house when we got home on the hand truck. Doc wants me to walk as little as possible for the next two days. Basically take it really easy. Cannot lift anything over 15 pounds. Guess that means I better clean out my knitting bag. :-)
Tonight we start the progesterone shots (he is WAY too excited about getting to give me those) and we wait. And I sit. And I watch TV. And I knit. And I hope my local friends will come over and visit because I don't think hubby will let me go far.
So I'm out to the RV (its the only place we have satellite TV) for some knitting and some brain rot.
Thanks for everyone's good thoughts and prayers for today. Think sticky vibes please. I want both to stick but I'll be happy with one too. :-) Anything at this point is better than none.
Two 4 celled embryos, one grade 2 and one grade 3 were transferred without issue today. I LOVE that my RE managed to get down to the city between his other appointments to do it for us.
The two week wait begins.
Slugbo is trying to lock me up for that time, but thankfully I have a paper from the doctor that says bed rest for the whole two weeks will be way worse stress-wise than going about your normal day.
That said I am home for the next 5 days.
Light activity - ha Slugbo rolled me into the house when we got home on the hand truck. Doc wants me to walk as little as possible for the next two days. Basically take it really easy. Cannot lift anything over 15 pounds. Guess that means I better clean out my knitting bag. :-)
Tonight we start the progesterone shots (he is WAY too excited about getting to give me those) and we wait. And I sit. And I watch TV. And I knit. And I hope my local friends will come over and visit because I don't think hubby will let me go far.
So I'm out to the RV (its the only place we have satellite TV) for some knitting and some brain rot.
Thanks for everyone's good thoughts and prayers for today. Think sticky vibes please. I want both to stick but I'll be happy with one too. :-) Anything at this point is better than none.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Well It's Better than None
10 eggs
6 mature
3 fertilized
3 disintegrated right after the ICSI (sigh old eggs)
1 of the 3 that fertilized went abnormal on the first split.
That leaves us with 2 embryos.
They wanted three, heck they wanted to be able to choose the three they put back, but such is not to be.
So tomorrow is the transfer, instead of Saturday since there is no reason to wait, this is what we have to work with.
I was upset at first. Still am a little. Spoke with the doctor after a panicked two hours of trying to reach him (not his fault he was in surgery).
I do feel better. Given the results, we are lucky to have two.
Please think good thoughts for us tomorrow (Friday the 13th - wow good thing 13 is a good number for me) around noon Pacific time. That's T time.
Then the two week wait begins.
6 mature
3 fertilized
3 disintegrated right after the ICSI (sigh old eggs)
1 of the 3 that fertilized went abnormal on the first split.
That leaves us with 2 embryos.
They wanted three, heck they wanted to be able to choose the three they put back, but such is not to be.
So tomorrow is the transfer, instead of Saturday since there is no reason to wait, this is what we have to work with.
I was upset at first. Still am a little. Spoke with the doctor after a panicked two hours of trying to reach him (not his fault he was in surgery).
I do feel better. Given the results, we are lucky to have two.
Please think good thoughts for us tomorrow (Friday the 13th - wow good thing 13 is a good number for me) around noon Pacific time. That's T time.
Then the two week wait begins.
Yesterday went well
Will have more news after I talk to the doc this afternoon.
Patience...
It's a killer. Gr.
Patience...
It's a killer. Gr.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Travian
It is not just a massive time suck. :-)
Hubby and I have been playing on Travian Server 6 US since last April. We have made lots of friends online and hope to meet many of you in RL some day. He has open invites for a place to stay if we ever visit Turkey or Alaska, Australia too I think.
We are in end game and things are ramping up there just as things in real life are ramping up in with our IVF.
The game has taken second fiddle to making the IVF work and rightly so.
That said, hubby's account is a main player in end game right now (if you remember my Valentine's day post) and having to step back meant letting a lot of people down. He found someone to take over his account so he could take care of me during this time and posted the following to all of our Meta wings:
*****************************
This letter is hard to write, but write it I must. I hope you take the time to read it.
My wife and I have been trying for several years to have children. So far, we have not been successful. It is finally time for science to play a part, and so we've been getting ready to try IVF. For those of you who don't know what that is, Google can provide your answers. But what it means to me, and to us, is this: I cannot continue to devote the amount of time to the WW that I have been. I desperately wanted to see this through to the end, but the doctors have said that this is the month, and when I'm asked to make a decision between Travian and having children, the choice is clear and obvious, despite my sense of letting people down. So, I have arranged to transfer much of the work to willing and able people who have stepped up to help. I know that some people will be sorry to see me go, but I'm sure that plenty of others are excited to hear the news.
Under my care, this account is the top defender on the game. This may very well change as the WWs progress and the really big hammers come out, but perhaps they'll continue to come to me and we'll just keep going up. KGB certainly has a special place in their heart for me. I'm glad I could provide so much entertainment for them, and for you. As I've said before, I'm a complete noob, as this is my first and only server. Everything I have accomplished has been only through the grace of teammates such as you.
So what happens now? Nothing I hope. This WW will continue to grow, and continue to be attacked, and the people who are helping me are certainly not going to let it languish. They need all your help, just as I have needed it. I'll still be checking in and answering IGMs, as I have always done, but the day to day management of the wonder will fall on their shoulders now. They have given up their accounts, or deleted them to be able to do this, so their sacrifice is even greater than mine. I hope you show them the warmth and camaraderie that you have shown me. They deserve it.
Meanwhile, I hope you send good thoughts to me and Jenn as we try this last option. Send an IGM with the subject of "Personal" and the sitters will not read it. I will do my best to respond to every one. It is truly wonderful to play with this group of people, and it has always been my honor to be affiliated with you. In these last few weeks of this server, this group can do anything it wants to. I hope you choose to try and win. I know that I will be.
Oh, and by the way, send wheat.
Thanks.
Ken, aka Slugbo
*****************************
The outpouring of good wishes from all of our friends on Travian was just amazing. Slug's and my IGM Inbox were overwhelmed with all the kind words and well wishes and suggestions from others going through it at the same time and those that have gone through IVF.
People far and wide, across many continents and cultures, sent such nice things, and we wanted to let you know that it means so much to Ken and I to know that all of you are hoping this works out for us. (PLEASE let it work - else I have to tell a global community that it didn't ;-) )
We even heard from some of the nicer KGB folks who offered their well wishes for us too.
So please consider this post a thank you to all of those of you that offered your kind words and well wishes and shared your own experiences with IVF with us.
It means more than we can ever quantify here.
You really are a great bunch of people and Ken and I are proud to be a part of Server 6 US.
Regards,
Tiny Tyrant - plan holder for the Fixer Upper WW
PS Comments will be moderated on this post due to a certain forum posting troll that made a mockery of what we are going through last week on the public travian forums.
Hubby and I have been playing on Travian Server 6 US since last April. We have made lots of friends online and hope to meet many of you in RL some day. He has open invites for a place to stay if we ever visit Turkey or Alaska, Australia too I think.
We are in end game and things are ramping up there just as things in real life are ramping up in with our IVF.
The game has taken second fiddle to making the IVF work and rightly so.
That said, hubby's account is a main player in end game right now (if you remember my Valentine's day post) and having to step back meant letting a lot of people down. He found someone to take over his account so he could take care of me during this time and posted the following to all of our Meta wings:
*****************************
This letter is hard to write, but write it I must. I hope you take the time to read it.
My wife and I have been trying for several years to have children. So far, we have not been successful. It is finally time for science to play a part, and so we've been getting ready to try IVF. For those of you who don't know what that is, Google can provide your answers. But what it means to me, and to us, is this: I cannot continue to devote the amount of time to the WW that I have been. I desperately wanted to see this through to the end, but the doctors have said that this is the month, and when I'm asked to make a decision between Travian and having children, the choice is clear and obvious, despite my sense of letting people down. So, I have arranged to transfer much of the work to willing and able people who have stepped up to help. I know that some people will be sorry to see me go, but I'm sure that plenty of others are excited to hear the news.
Under my care, this account is the top defender on the game. This may very well change as the WWs progress and the really big hammers come out, but perhaps they'll continue to come to me and we'll just keep going up. KGB certainly has a special place in their heart for me. I'm glad I could provide so much entertainment for them, and for you. As I've said before, I'm a complete noob, as this is my first and only server. Everything I have accomplished has been only through the grace of teammates such as you.
So what happens now? Nothing I hope. This WW will continue to grow, and continue to be attacked, and the people who are helping me are certainly not going to let it languish. They need all your help, just as I have needed it. I'll still be checking in and answering IGMs, as I have always done, but the day to day management of the wonder will fall on their shoulders now. They have given up their accounts, or deleted them to be able to do this, so their sacrifice is even greater than mine. I hope you show them the warmth and camaraderie that you have shown me. They deserve it.
Meanwhile, I hope you send good thoughts to me and Jenn as we try this last option. Send an IGM with the subject of "Personal" and the sitters will not read it. I will do my best to respond to every one. It is truly wonderful to play with this group of people, and it has always been my honor to be affiliated with you. In these last few weeks of this server, this group can do anything it wants to. I hope you choose to try and win. I know that I will be.
Oh, and by the way, send wheat.
Thanks.
Ken, aka Slugbo
*****************************
The outpouring of good wishes from all of our friends on Travian was just amazing. Slug's and my IGM Inbox were overwhelmed with all the kind words and well wishes and suggestions from others going through it at the same time and those that have gone through IVF.
People far and wide, across many continents and cultures, sent such nice things, and we wanted to let you know that it means so much to Ken and I to know that all of you are hoping this works out for us. (PLEASE let it work - else I have to tell a global community that it didn't ;-) )
We even heard from some of the nicer KGB folks who offered their well wishes for us too.
So please consider this post a thank you to all of those of you that offered your kind words and well wishes and shared your own experiences with IVF with us.
It means more than we can ever quantify here.
You really are a great bunch of people and Ken and I are proud to be a part of Server 6 US.
Regards,
Tiny Tyrant - plan holder for the Fixer Upper WW
PS Comments will be moderated on this post due to a certain forum posting troll that made a mockery of what we are going through last week on the public travian forums.
Monday, March 9, 2009
It's a Go!
Egg Retrieval is slated for Wednesday.
As of today:
Right:
19 mm
18 mm
16 mm - 3
14 mm
Left:
19 mm
15 mm - 2
So it looks like we will get 6 to 9 if all goes well.
Waiting for exact time and everything in this afternoon's call.
As of today:
Right:
19 mm
18 mm
16 mm - 3
14 mm
Left:
19 mm
15 mm - 2
So it looks like we will get 6 to 9 if all goes well.
Waiting for exact time and everything in this afternoon's call.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Daylight Saving Time sucks....
when you have an 8:45 appointment 1.5 hours away in the City the day after it kicks in.
It was a weekend of doctor visits and a little concern.
We went in Saturday morning and saw that 9 follicles had kept growing and were more or less together, while three decided they'd done enough work and stayed behind. This is okay.
So they said that they didn't want to see me till Monday and we went on our merry way.
Then the phone rang mid afternoon.
My estrogen level had almost quadrupled between Wednesday (679) and Saturday (2179). That could mean one of two things:
1. OHSS - Hyperstimulation of the ovaries which sucks rocks and can require hospitalization.
2. One follicle decided to treat the meds like steroids and ramp up way past the rest of them.
Either way it meant I was going back on Sunday. Really freaking early.
More bloodwork (ask me how sick of needles I am, go ahead, I dare you). (Estrogen today was 2279 so all is well)
Another ultrasound (really sick of those too).
Left side decided to kick start one of the follicles up to 18 mm, but the rest aren't too far behind at 16 and 15mm. So we are still on track and I am still taking shots.
Looks like we will trigger tomorrow night for retrieval on Wednesday. Which means we are looking at a transfer on Saturday or next Monday.
We are so close my friends. I hope to have more good news for you regarding embryo quality by the end of this week.
To those that work with me that read this. I will be late tomorrow (Monday) as I have to be in Marin at 8 am. Meh. I'll be in around 9:30 or so.
It was a weekend of doctor visits and a little concern.
We went in Saturday morning and saw that 9 follicles had kept growing and were more or less together, while three decided they'd done enough work and stayed behind. This is okay.
So they said that they didn't want to see me till Monday and we went on our merry way.
Then the phone rang mid afternoon.
My estrogen level had almost quadrupled between Wednesday (679) and Saturday (2179). That could mean one of two things:
1. OHSS - Hyperstimulation of the ovaries which sucks rocks and can require hospitalization.
2. One follicle decided to treat the meds like steroids and ramp up way past the rest of them.
Either way it meant I was going back on Sunday. Really freaking early.
More bloodwork (ask me how sick of needles I am, go ahead, I dare you). (Estrogen today was 2279 so all is well)
Another ultrasound (really sick of those too).
Left side decided to kick start one of the follicles up to 18 mm, but the rest aren't too far behind at 16 and 15mm. So we are still on track and I am still taking shots.
Looks like we will trigger tomorrow night for retrieval on Wednesday. Which means we are looking at a transfer on Saturday or next Monday.
We are so close my friends. I hope to have more good news for you regarding embryo quality by the end of this week.
To those that work with me that read this. I will be late tomorrow (Monday) as I have to be in Marin at 8 am. Meh. I'll be in around 9:30 or so.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
This could Work
There is more hope in my household today.
We had the ultrasound this morning.
Right Ovary:
Definitely better results than the last time around. I'd be hopping up and down right now but the ovaries REALLY don't like that right now and for GOOD REASON! YAH!
We had the ultrasound this morning.
Right Ovary:
- 5 follicles at 10mm
- 2 follicles at 9mm
- 1 follicle at 8 or so mm
- 2 follicles at 10mm
- 1 follicle at 9mm
- 1 follicle at 8 or so mm
Definitely better results than the last time around. I'd be hopping up and down right now but the ovaries REALLY don't like that right now and for GOOD REASON! YAH!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Where We are...
Thought I'd offer up a quick IVF update post.
1. Microdose Flare Lupron Protocol
2. Double dose of Follistim from last time, no Menopur (good that stuff sucked rocks)
3. Means three shots a day
4. The Follistim hurts more after the fact this time around
5. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, no matter how good the cause.
6. I'm feeling hammered emotionally and physically
7. This cycle started out the same as last. 10 follicle at best first guess.
8. Next ultrasound is Wednesday
9. I'm scared that the results will be the same as last time. But at the same time refusing to worry about it. I cannot change it.
10. This is our last shot
11. Man I wished I'd finished Tuscany so I had something to wrap up in.
12. I really really wish hubby were home right now.
1. Microdose Flare Lupron Protocol
2. Double dose of Follistim from last time, no Menopur (good that stuff sucked rocks)
3. Means three shots a day
4. The Follistim hurts more after the fact this time around
5. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, no matter how good the cause.
6. I'm feeling hammered emotionally and physically
7. This cycle started out the same as last. 10 follicle at best first guess.
8. Next ultrasound is Wednesday
9. I'm scared that the results will be the same as last time. But at the same time refusing to worry about it. I cannot change it.
10. This is our last shot
11. Man I wished I'd finished Tuscany so I had something to wrap up in.
12. I really really wish hubby were home right now.
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