Thursday, May 14, 2009

It Still Seems So Wrong

22 years ago today my brother decided that death was easier than life.

That sounds harsh, but it is not really something you can sugar coat.

I know he's never coming back.

I know we will never know why he did it.

I still cry when I think about what a waste it was.

It will never hurt any less. You just learn to handle the pain.

He hated school, but wasn't stupid.

He loved cars, but never got his driver's license.

He adored our nephew, but chose not to see how his life would play out.

He loved our sister, but chose to not stick around to see her married and happy.

He was loved, but never understood how much.

Wherever you are Robbie, I hope it is everything that we couldn't give you here.


On a limb with Claudia said...

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. This kind of thing.... I often tell people that the one's that suicide splash their pain on everyone who loves them.


Reika said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain today. Suicide is such a painful thing to bear for those left behind.


Devyl Gyrl said...

My love to you, and to your brother wherever he may be. My heat aches for you - i know the pain of losing someone near and dear at too young an age.

Unfortunately, there are some that we cannot love enough to ease away their pain. They simply do not understand where the pain comes from, and cannot focus on the warmth and love around them.


(formerly) no-blog-rachel said...

Been there (my mom, about 22 years ago this month too) and yeah, it's still hard. You expressed it beautifully, and I'm so, so sorry for your pain.

AlisonH said...

Oh honey I'm so sorry!

A woman whose brother did the same thing wrote an op-ed piece in Newsweek years ago with a line that I have never forgotten: "Suicide does not end pain. It just places it on the broken shoulders of the ones left behind."

I am so sorry. And Rachel, for your sake too.

knittyauntie said...

As a person who's father committed suicide, and someone who has tried to commit suicide, I can say that I've seen from both sides of the tunnel and nether end is an easy one to come out of.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry for your pain. May God bless and comfort you in this time of need.

perpstu said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine the kind of pain that creates inside. I'm sending you so many good thoughts and hope for peace and comfort. (((HUGS)))